Salvation Testimony _ Ryan
Engle (Good News Central Church, United States)
I
am not lucky enough to say that I’ve known faith and salvation my whole life;
in fact, I’ve only really known faith and salvation for a week now. I was
taught from an early age the whole basis of religion and faith, along with
receiving salvation. I had been an avid church-goer for 13 years; my family was
a very loving Christian family. I never really understood what it was I was
supposed to do to “get into Heaven,” though. I had been taught that I was supposed
to follow the commandments, pray every day, and ask for forgiveness. I naively
thought that going to church was enough.
I was adopted in 1987 by my now parents, Karen
and Philip, an overwhelmingly loving couple that I couldn’t imagine not being
in my life. I truly know that everything good in me, I received from them. One
could not ask for better parents. I gained two brothers, both being the
biological children of my parents, Antonio, who was the oldest, and Joshua, who
was younger than me. They became my best friends and worst enemies; as all
brothers often do. My parents had both served in the U.S. military, so we moved
often, so understanding of different cultures came easy to us.
We
moved to New Zealand, Japan and Hawaii all within the course of 5 years. My
mother knew that the constant relocating was pretty hard on us, so she had us
attend church on a regular basis, hoping to lighten the mental fatigue of
moving.
As kids, Joshua, Antonio
and I had no real questions about faith and salvation. We shared the idea that
once we were baptized and “received” Christ we were saved. We continued on with
our daily lives and incorporated the Word of God in it as much as we could. I
didn’t feel as if anything in my life had changed, neither did my brothers. We
were all aware that we sin and have sinned and that we have been forgiven, but
we believed that we were not supposed to break the commandments ever and we
lived under that law. The idea of not breaking one commandment seemed so hard
to me, and when I did break one, I immediately prayed and asked for
forgiveness. I didn’t feel as if I had gained anything from being “saved,” I
didn’t feel “saved” at all, I felt a little trapped. This feeling remained for
13 years and I couldn’t connect with the congregation.
Five years ago, 2007,
Joshua was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer; it turned all of our worlds upside
down. I was 20 years old at the time, Joshua was only 18, I couldn’t understand
how and why he was diagnosed with this disease at such a young age. I spent
many long nights on my knees praying and asking God to help me understand why
Joshua was being taken from me. I never received an “answer,” and I didn’t
understand. I thought that up until then I was a good Christian, and that I
deserved some sort of answer, but it never came. I felt abandoned by God, I
felt that this whole time I had been praising something that wasn’t real. I
stopped believing, I stopped attending church, and I stopped caring.
Ultimately, Joshua lost his battle with cancer, further expelling my faith.
I spent the next three years criticizing religion, faith
and salvation. I had not received an answer while Joshua was fighting cancer; I
knew I wasn’t going to receive one after his death. I carried on with my life,
making decisions on my own, approaching every task at-hand with carelessness
and complete disregard for other’s feelings. I attended school, worked long
hours, and did it all on my own, with no help from God, or so I thought. My
parents became concerned when I wasn’t keeping in contact as much as I used
to. They felt compelled to try to get me back into church. I wouldn’t do it, I
couldn’t do it, and I never did.
After
Joshua’s passing I moved from county to county, apartment to apartment, school
to school hoping to find comfort and ultimately put my past behind me. I
finally put roots down in Riverside in 2009. I attended the University of
California, at Riverside. I focused on my schoolwork and nothing else, least of
all, my faith. It wasn’t until one week ago, everything I had come to know was
about to stop abruptly and turn my life around. As of now, I’m only 2 weeks
away from completing my courses and will graduate in June. I had moved out of
my apartment in Riverside and asked to stay with a local friend of mine until I
had finished my course and found a place to live in San Francisco. On Thursday,
March 8th, 2012 everything changed.
On that early morning, my
friend who was letting me stay received a phone call informing her that her
grandmother had just been admitted to the hospital for a stroke. She told me
she needed to leave and be with her grandmother in Los Angeles. I agreed with
her and asked her to drop me off at school. I had one class to attend, and a
flight to catch at 7:50 pm that night to San Francisco. In our rush to get out
of the apartment, we failed to notice that the front door to her apartment was
locked. I went about my day and assumed that I would grab my luggage and items
needed for my trip after my class and catch my flight. When I returned to her
apartment, I found out the door was locked. I couldn’t find a way in and result
was that I missed my flight. I walked back to the UC campus and tried to figure
out what to do. As I was walking, a young gentleman handed me a flyer with “Are
You Free from Sin?” on it, a Bible discussion invitation taking place that
evening. I had entertained the idea of attending, but I was also entertaining
the thought of going to the college pub.
I decided on going to the
discussion. I figured I didn’t have anything to lose, and maybe I could gain
something from it. As I sat and listened, the words and topics covered sparked
interest in me. I began talking with Dwayne and Peter after the class, and
informed them of my current situation. I wasn’t expecting anything from them, I
just thought I’d share and maybe share a laugh. Upon hearing, Peter instantly
offered a place for me to sleep and more discussion on my idea of faith and
salvation. That night as I laid on the couch, I stared at the ceiling asking,
“How did I end up here?” The next day, I attended the discussion and I finally
understood. I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom, happiness, and joy from
the very second I began to believe. Jesus died for me, my sins were no longer,
I’m not in control of my life, and God is. All of my pain, sorrow, and burden
were suddenly lifted off my shoulders and I began to smile. On Friday, they
invited me to attend the church and meet the short-term missionaries; I knew
that this was good for me.
I introduced myself to the
pastors and the missionaries discussed with them my acceptance and
understanding of what Jesus did for me. I indulged in Korean food with them,
which I had only tried a few times. I tried hard to communicate with the
missionaries and shared in a few funny moments when translating didn’t work. As
I laid my head down that night staring at the ceiling, I asked, again “How did
I get here?” I knew the answer this time; it was God.
From the Goodnews Magazine
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